Getting back on the horse.
TL;DR: I want to get back to writing meaningful opeds and I’m looking for a place to do so.
TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF SEXUAL ASSAULT.
So, this is my reaching out for help. Breathe easy, this request is not financial (though clicking the donate button is always appreciated). Instead I need help finding a specific opportunity as well as some moral support.
I began writing on national platforms over a decade ago. A friend who was an editor for The Huffington Post asked me to write some personal essays. She had a vertical she was working on (I can’t remember the details anymore) and thought I would be a good fit.
My writing for Huffington was a springboard from me publishing essays on NBCBLK, NBC News, Ebony, and Gothamist to name a few. Often my writing was related to social justice issues like police brutality, racism, and homophobia. Almost all of my work came in the form of op-eds. I prided myself on being able to offer a different, more personal perspective when discussing very heavy subject matter.
For a long time I aspired to have a column. I wanted to have a space at a publication where I could collaborate on assignments, write, and work with an editor because I believe that environment would go a long way to producing my best work. I think that if I had continued with my op-eds I might have landed in just this situation. But there is a price that writers pay that isn’t often discussed. That price ultimately broke me.
I have been fortunate that over the years I have been able to garner a small group of people who valued my input on some serious topics. Unfortunately, with in that group there have been people who over estimate my reach and impact while forgetting that I am a human with all the frailties that come with being a human.
I began getting emails and DM’s from people asking me to address specific topics, which in and of itself isn’t a bad thing. That is until that notion goes to far.
I had grown used to people reaching out about my opinion on major events and the requests to put my pen to use on the topic du jour. Then one morning I hopped on Facebook and checked my messages. I clicked on a message from a family friend and was faced with a video of a sexual assault the details of which I won’t get into here. Under the video the sender simpy replied “Help her”.
I was stunned and disgusted. I was angry and saddened. Who was the person in the video? What was I expected to do? The image was and is seered into my mind.
For what it’s worth I found out that it was a fairly old video and the guilty party had long been dealt with. Still, the video broke me. After years of having to watch all kinds of violence and death in order to accurately write about these tradedies, after compartmentalizing the traumas, after dealing with the aftermath of comments telling me all the ways I was an asshole I had enough. I couldn’t do it anymore.
I stopped using my voice for the things I found important.
I fell back into writing poetry and personal essays. I have half a screenplay and multiple bits of various books on my hard drive. For a time it was a relief to unplug from the daily traumas I had subjected myself to. But that high only lasted for a time. Eventually the guilt set in.
There has been a long line of events I would have written about in the years since I stepped away from topical writing, most recently the Nolan Wells and Cornel rape stories. I have considered writing to them but I feel like a child playing double dutch who’s afraid of getting hit in the face with the rope. Regardless I find myself in a place where I owe my voice to something more important than anything I have done over the last few years.
Which leads me to my ask. As much as I want to write on the events of the day this writing needs a home. This kind of writing doesn’t work on this site and to be frank there is a negligible audience on here to make it worthwhile. I need to work in a space with people who will help me create my best work.
And because I know someone will ask this is not about money. I won’t pretend being paid for my work would be nice that is not where my head is at right now. I just want to get back to a place where I feel like my writing is serving a greater good.
So, if you know of an outlet where I might be a good fit I humbly request that you make the introduction. Also, support your favorite writers and pundits who do this kind of work. The things they have to deal with, the stress, the trauma, the sadness often goes unrecognized.
Thanks in advance.
